All alone in a crowd

 

City lights in modern life
City lights in modern life

Recently, while I was standing at a busy street corner, I realized something. Every few seconds a person passed by. Some people stared at me while they slowly walked by. Others rushed by so quickly that they seemed not to notice me standing there at all. For a few people I even seemed invisible as they almost ran me over. In moments like this one, I wish I was a statue that cannot be knocked over remaining sturdily no matter what goes on around it. Four streets interconnect at that particular intersection. Traffic is intense no matter what time of the day it is. While the street seemed getting noisier and more crowded with every minute that passed, I became more and more silent.

Standing there surrounded by people, cars, and modern city noise, I became thoughtful. On the one hand I realized that our planet and the world we live in becomes more and more crowded with each day that passes. On the other hand, many people, perhaps even more than ever before, including myself, are often lonely. Standing on that street corner, in the middle of traffic, pedestrians, and modern life, I became lonely. I realized that, yes, we have family and friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Most human beings alive today communicate more with others than ever before in history. We call each other, text each other, and e-mail each other. We greet each other in the hallway or on the street. We quickly ask each other about our well-being just to hear “I am fine. How are you?” Too busy for a truthful response or a thorough discussion, we often walk on.

Our fast paced modern life leaves almost no time nor space for the big, philosophical questions about the meaning of life and why we are here. “Too busy”, many say. I, on the other hand, always make time for thought provoking questions. I simply have too. I would not feel complete if I didn’t. Many people call me weird. Some call me a spiritual person. A few awakened. Indeed, I call myself a spirit having an earthly existence. When I remember my soul’s longing, I become lonely. It is in this moment that I feel all alone in a crowd standing on that busy street corner. It is not easy to be a spiritually awakened person when so many are not. Suddenly, I feel a light touch on my cheek. No, it is not the wind caressing me softly. It is my spirit guide sending me a sign from heaven to let me feel her presence and know that, I might feel lonely here on earth, but I am never alone.

Love, Barbara

 

http://www.barbarabullock.wordpress.com/

Copyright © 2016 by Barbara Bullock, Photo credit © 2016 by Barbara Bullock. Photo taken in Universal City, Los Angeles June 2016.

#Street #Streetcorner #Corner #Loneliness #Lonely #Alone #Busy #Modern #Life #Philosophy #Modernlife #Spirituality #People #Guide #Spirit #Soul #Spiritguide #Awakening #Awakened #City #Citylights #LosAngeles #Universalcity #Universal

Two New Beginnings

 

Sunset in Venice, Italy, signifying the end of a day. A new beginning follows the next day.
Sunset in Venice, Italy, signifying the end of a day. A new beginning follows the next day.

This month, June, has turned out to be a very eventful month leaving me with two significant occurrences that will change my life forever. As I walked across the stage of the Petco Park Stadium in San Diego celebrating the achievement and conferral of my degree, I got emotional when I shook the dean’s hands. Certainly, it was an exciting day that I had looked forward to for months. Certainly, my accomplishment was worth being proud of. Certainly, I had all rights to shed a few happy tears. However, those cheerful tears were not only mine. As I walked off the stage and looked into the crowds of families and friends applauding the graduates, I thought of my dad. He had passed away a few days earlier. He was the kind of person, who would not always express his feelings directly. Rather, he did so in silent whispers and small gestures. He could not cheer me loudly on that day. Nevertheless, I could feel that he was proud of me. Perhaps it was him crying cheerful tears on that day.

Several speakers at the commencement pointed out that it is not necessarily the degree itself that will make a difference in the world but what we do with it. While a commencement ceremony signifies a celebration of achievement and the end of a student’s studies, it is a new beginning. It is a chance for the graduate to use the knowledge received for the greater and make a mark in the world. It is a chance to leave the world a little better than before. It is a chance for a new beginning of success. Some students use it to better the lives of others in their communities, other students fly to the moon to change the entire world. A student becomes a graduate, a professor becomes a former instructor, and a university an alma mater leaving memories and wisdom.

The same can be said when a parent returns to our spiritual home leaving many memories of childhood and transferred knowledge behind in the hope that the next generation would carry on the tradition and legacy, a kind of new beginning although heavily disguised. It takes courage to love because suffering and loss is an inevitable part of loving. It takes courage to let go. It takes courage to graduate and venture out into the world. Thank you, Dad, for your courage. I hope I’ll make you proud again someday. Meanwhile, fly with the angels to the moon. I’ll see you there some day.

Love, Barbara

Copyright © 2016 by Barbara Bullock, Photo credit © 2016 by Barbara Bullock, taken in Venice, Italy, May 2016

Sources:

National University www.nu.edu

Petco Park, San Diego http://petcoparkevents.com/

#Graduation #University #Beginning #End #Death #June #Transformation #Commencement #NationalUniversity #PetoPark #SanDiego #Parent #Dad #Father

 

On inner Strength and Candy

Beautiful blossoms along the way from work nourish the soul.
Beautiful blossoms along the way from work nourish the soul.

Perhaps you remember my earlier post on my resolution to take better care of my body this year by making healthier food choices and letting my soul dance more. If not, you might want to read it to understand what I mean as I would like to inspire you today with my next step on this journey.

I used to look for ways to reward myself after a stressful day at work. While waiting for my commuter train on my way home, I would treat myself to several candy bars from the vending machine at the train station thinking that I would feel better. I started to literally look forward to my treat at the end of my work day while still at work. I found all kinds of excuses to eat candy bars as well as other snacks from that machine and made sure that I always had enough coins (and the right ones) with me.

While I thought that the chocolate and sugar would make me happier, relaxed, and feed my soul, the actual ingredients damaged by body uncontrollably by eventually making me overweight, as heavy as I had never been before, and sick. Furthermore, I was still unhappy and sad about many aspects of my life. Finally, at the end of last year, I realized that I had to do something about my health. Since then I have shed almost 30 pounds through tracking my food, exercise, reading books, and listening to hypnosis recordings to try to change my patterns. The latter has just started working in the most miraculous way I can imagine.

I recently had a tough and long day. I really fought the craving and urge to eat at least one candy bar. The old me kept saying: “Eat one, just one!” However, the new me resisted. I had to walk by the vending machines really fast to get away as quickly as possible. My eyes focused on the yummy candy inside when my new me said: “These won’t make you happy, but music or a video will do.” I almost ran downstairs to the platform in order to get away from those vending machines. Sitting on the train, while searching the Internet, I came across a very inspirational video, which indeed lifted me up like no candy ever could!
By the time I came home, I no longer even thought of any sugar and had a healthy dinner instead. Writing this after dinner sipping relaxing tea, I am not just happy. I am proud of myself and grateful for how far I have come. I am on my way to normal weight. My new me cannot wait to pass those candy bars easily tomorrow thanks to my inner strength and what those candy bars taught me.

Love, Barbara

Copyright © 2016 by Barbara Bullock, Photo credit © 2016 by Barbara Bullock
#Selflove # Soul #Music #Video #Food #Growth #Craving #Diet #Health #Lifestyle #Weight #Weightloss #Overweight #Candy #Work #Commute #Vendingmachine #Inner #Strength #temptation #stress #overcome #train #trainstation